Nater-Tater/TermiNater/Sha-Nay-Nay

Or just Nate.

From birth my son, Nathan was a quiet and introspective child. And from birth he's been a comedian among those he feels most comfortable; the numbers are probably less than 10. As a very young student, Nate would often come home and tell me that the kids in his class made another comment to him about how he "never talks". Despite his severe shyness, he has always been self-aware enough to find the humor and irony in the picture that his teachers and classmates had of him, even at the young age of 7. At home he is always a clown. His teachers would be shocked. So would his classmates. He was voted "Nicest Boy" in the Eighth Grade Mock Elections and he deserved it, but I am here to say that Nathan does have an evil side to him. Mmwwha-Hahaha!

On Sunday, we were playing school: Grace was the teacher and Nathan and I were the students. Though I acted as a perfect student, Nate did not. It started when Gracie suddenly yelled, "Na-THAN!"

From Nate: (snicker-snickering and feigning innocence) "What did I do?" (At that point I still didn't know what he had done to rattle her cage.)

"You're staring at your pencil like a nuthead!"

Next she gave us a writing assignment. Again, as I was studiously doing as the teacher said, I was suddenly made aware of the steam coming from my daughter's nose and ears as she silently gave Nate the evil-eye with her hands on her hips. Nathan said matter-of-factly: "Not everybody has nice handwriting." And he continued to write while holding the pencil by the very top, near the eraser.

"WHY are you WRITING like that? You're MAKING yourself have bad handwriting!"

Later, I can't remember exactly what he had done, but in an attempt to intimidate her disruptive student, Grace had climbed up on a stool to stand over Nathan who sat at his "desk". She said nothing, but her stoney silence didn't last long because Nate didn't miss a beat; he asked: "Did you just get shorter?"

"NATH-AN!!"

(more snickering from the evil big brother) "Miss MEIN-E-MA!!"

And on it went for another 20 minutes. She's so easy. She is the intense dancing fire and he is the calm blue sea.

Of course, being Nate's mom I get to see that real side of him on a daily basis. Acting as a single-mom, I am privy to a side of him that he only shows if he is in the right frame of mind and under certain conditions. One such condition is when he knows that we can chat uninterrupted after Grace has fallen asleep. (I can't say "gone to bed" because that means nothing--it could be another hour or 2 before she finally falls asleep.)

Though he has always been a clown, Nate has never been a big talker. Partially because of his difficulties with emoting in public, Nathan is far from a typical teenaged boy. For instance, he's never demonstrated a competetive edge in anything, be it academics, sports, music, or art. He excels in all areas, and there's no question that he has a passion for learning in all areas, but still, extracurricular/team sports have always been his achilles heel. As I said, he is very athletic and he does exceedingly well in all of his P.E. classes, but put him on a team and he freezes up.

I believe that if we are afraid of something , we need to expose ourselves to it more and more or practice it more and more until we wonder what we were afraid of in the first place. (Hence, one reason I started this blog.) Nathan knows that and he actually agrees. So in 7th and 8th grades we "made" him take the 6 week swim clinic offered for free by the high school swim coaches. Both times he didn't want to do it, and both times he really enjoyed it by the end. Swimming is the perfect team sport for him because he doesn't have to hear or see "everyone looking at (him)" as he does his part to help the team. Also, the coaches are great and the swimmers are a such a nice group of kids, that even the social aspects of it are perfect for Nate's personality.

So by the middle of the 8th grade clinic, we (his dad, Joel, me, my sisters, his cousin, the coaches...) were all encouraging Nathan to join the high school team in 9th grade. He was adamant that he would not. He basically said that he did what we'd asked of him by doing the swim clinic both years and could he just be done now? But he was a natural at the freestyle; so graceful and fast, we knew he would do well and we thought it would bring him out of his shell a bit, socially. But we backed off. We knew he just needed space to see clearly for himself. By the last week of the clinic, he told me he was going to join the high shcool swim team for 9th grade.

When the start of the season rolled around this past November, he was regretting his choice because of the intense feelings of nervousness he was experiencing the week before it started. Of course I made him keep his word and I talked him down a few times when he was actually making himself sick to his stomach thinking about it. I reminded him of how much he enjoyed the meets at the end of the last clinic. He knew and sure enough, by the end of the first week of practice, he was completely fine with it again. Still not passionate about it, but as the weeks have passed, he's become more and more animated when talking about swimming. And then Saturday night, out of the blue, he said, "I'm getting a 26 on Tuesday, Mom."

I was thrown. We were watching a movie that had just gone to commercial. "Twenty-six?"

"For the 50."

And I knew. And I felt so happy for him. And I felt so priveledged to witness the spark that lit within him. He was letting me in on his rising determination to challenge himself as a swimmer. His best time for the 50 yard free-style is 27.46 seconds, with a consistant time of 28-something. So he was telling me that he is passionate about swimming. He's finally ready to put his heart into it. He admitted that sometimes in a race, after he dives in he forgets that he is supposed to be going his fastest (hopefully Coach never reads this) and that he is sure now that he can do much better if he makes himself go as fast as he can the entire race. He said that he doesn't mean to (forget) and that it hasn't happened often but he also says he is not completely winded after a race so he knows he can push himself to go faster. Also, he has a beautiful head of wavey dark hair that he has asked me to cut extra short to possibly improve his times. Today at practice, he asked Coach if he could have a team swim cap for the meet tomorrow while he still has his full head of hair.

These past 2 days he's been talking a lot about swimming and his personal challenges and goals. While he's a natural at the free, he has a very long way to go in getting the other strokes down and he knows it. He's finally ready and eager to practice hard.

Being a single-mom gives me more opportunity to share one-on-one time with my son and that allows him the freedom and comfort to say what he needs to say. I am honored and grateful to be the one he chooses to open up to. I can't wait for the world to meet the Nathan that I know.