Tonight as my kids and I got ready to play UNO at the kitchen table, my 6 year old, Grace decided she was going to fix a snack using the biscuits I had baked earlier (for fresh strawberry shortcake, mmmm!...but I always use homemade biscuits instead of shortcake). When she was done, she asked me if I would put the jars of jam away because her hands were all sticky. I told her that part of volunteering to make a snack (that neither my 14 year old, Nathan, nor I wanted since we'd just had the strawberry shortcake an hour earlier; but hey, she's 6 and it's our "Silly Saturday", so we suck it up) included cleaning up after yourself. She was already in the process of washing her hands as I spoke, so her response was, "Well, my hands are all wet. I don't want the jars to slip."
"Dry your hands then!" Nathan and I replied quite reasonably and in unison. So she did. She can't help herself, really. She's a natural born debater; once she has an idea in her head she must prove her point to anyone who will listen. She's been that way since she could speak. But she wants to do the right thing...she just wants everyone else to see that her way is the right way.
She quickly wiped her hands on the dish towel and grabbed the two small jars of jam. Meanwhile, Nathan had turned on some U2 for our listening pleasure during our card game. Out of nowhere, it was like the boogie-fever spirits took over Gracie's little body: her hips and head swung from side to side, her legs bounced up and down as she bebopped her way to the frige, she called out in a helpless tone, "But he's got music on, and I always want to dance to the music!"
She would make a great lawyer. A very happy lawyer. When I put her to bed tonight, she was smiling and smiling while lying in bed waiting for me to tuck her in. She informed me, "I'm having a smiling contest with my flower." She has a little pink and yellow stuffed flower hanging upsidedown with its smiling face looking right at her as she rests her head on her pillow each night.
I got into the bed next to her to smile up at the flower, too, "Well. This is a fun contest."
She replied through her teeth, "Yeah, I think she's going to win."
I get to be with her everyday to witness her antics and hear her dialogue first-hand. I'd say I'm pretty lucky.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
Productive Exercises
With my hubby gone for more than a year now, I get to do a lot more shoveling than usual. You may think that's a bad thing, but let's review: When done properly, with good form, shoveling is an excellent way to build muscle in the gluteal, thigh, arm, back, and shoulder areas. Shoveling snow also gets the heart rate going, so that if you do it for at least 15 minutes without stopping, it can be a superb way to burn a little extra winter fat. When your heart rate increases, so does your breathing; what better way to wake your body and soul than to be aware of your breath? You can't help but notice it coming out in puffs of fog all around your head as you scrape and lift, scrape and lift, don't forget to bend those knees...scrape and lift...If it's a particularly starry night or sunny morning (or starry early, early morning), when you're finished shoveling, (or in the middle of shoveling, depending on the size of the area you're shoveling and whether or not you care about the 15 minute thing) you could pause to gaze up at the sky and trees around you. You could be still with your face tilted skyward no matter what kind of day or night it is; maybe it looks all white with big, heavy flakes of snow falling. You could try catching one on your tongue. You could listen to the quiet tranquility that always comes after a snowfall. Or, you may have to listen to the other shovelers scraping away or the snow blowers blowing away. But you are aware of the insulated, more muffled sound they make. You could inhale deeply that crisp wintery air. Smile. Center. Relax. Feel good about the productive work you've done not only for your body, but for your mind and soul. Fifteen minutes just to yourself.
See? Shoveling's not so bad. And as a single-parent I get to do more of it and I am thankful.
See? Shoveling's not so bad. And as a single-parent I get to do more of it and I am thankful.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Thanking My Goddaughter
I'm feeling pretty haggard right now so I'll keep it extra short. (I need to start doing this in the daytime before my regular writing...)
There was a little snow storm today. Not much of anything for these parts, but it began right around 3:30pm, just in time to make rush-hour traffic pretty much a fixed situation. Jen works about 30-40 (?) miles from home so knew it would take her forever and a day to get her 3 year old and get her oldest, before 6pm when the clock starts to tick for late fees. Normally, on Thursdays I pick her daughter up from the latchkey at our school, but today I needed rush right after school in order to get my son and nephew to swimming; they had picture day before their normal practice before the meet.
After dropping them off I decided to grab Jen's oldest on the way home...I didn't make this short did I?...I wanted to let you in on why I had both girls...but does it matter? I'm too tired to really know.
So I ended up taking both girls to the swimming meet because Jen was still miles and miles (and miles and miles--now I'm singing The Who...oh, yeah--) away and still hadn't reached her youngest daughter by 5:30 and the meet started at 6. So there we were. And you know what? I think for the first time ever, my little ball of energy actually sat still for possibly the first 2o minutes of the meet to watch her brother and cousin swim! I give my goddaughter all the credit.
I don't know why I'm not using their names...at least my kids...since Jen doesn't know about this site yet, I can't ask her how she'd feel if I used her kids' names...
Jen's daughter and my daughter are opposite in so many ways (much like Jen and me) yet they complement each other so well (much like Jen and me). Tonight was a perfect example: my goddaughter got my blooddaughter to sit calmly and really pay attention to the races. It was so significant. I let out a little thank you to the spirits both for letting me witness it and for giving me something to write about today. (Because if Joel were here...you know it by now, right? It probably wouldn't have happened that way because the girls would have stayed home with him.)
One more day, one more benefit of being a single-parent. Thank you, Mac. Peace.
There was a little snow storm today. Not much of anything for these parts, but it began right around 3:30pm, just in time to make rush-hour traffic pretty much a fixed situation. Jen works about 30-40 (?) miles from home so knew it would take her forever and a day to get her 3 year old and get her oldest, before 6pm when the clock starts to tick for late fees. Normally, on Thursdays I pick her daughter up from the latchkey at our school, but today I needed rush right after school in order to get my son and nephew to swimming; they had picture day before their normal practice before the meet.
After dropping them off I decided to grab Jen's oldest on the way home...I didn't make this short did I?...I wanted to let you in on why I had both girls...but does it matter? I'm too tired to really know.
So I ended up taking both girls to the swimming meet because Jen was still miles and miles (and miles and miles--now I'm singing The Who...oh, yeah--) away and still hadn't reached her youngest daughter by 5:30 and the meet started at 6. So there we were. And you know what? I think for the first time ever, my little ball of energy actually sat still for possibly the first 2o minutes of the meet to watch her brother and cousin swim! I give my goddaughter all the credit.
I don't know why I'm not using their names...at least my kids...since Jen doesn't know about this site yet, I can't ask her how she'd feel if I used her kids' names...
Jen's daughter and my daughter are opposite in so many ways (much like Jen and me) yet they complement each other so well (much like Jen and me). Tonight was a perfect example: my goddaughter got my blooddaughter to sit calmly and really pay attention to the races. It was so significant. I let out a little thank you to the spirits both for letting me witness it and for giving me something to write about today. (Because if Joel were here...you know it by now, right? It probably wouldn't have happened that way because the girls would have stayed home with him.)
One more day, one more benefit of being a single-parent. Thank you, Mac. Peace.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Learning to Skate Along on Ice
Today my daughter and I went ice-skating. I've only tried it once or twice before, and my daughter has never done it. If Joel were here he would have taken her and I may or may not have gone. He loves to play ice-hockey and I know he would've loved to teach our daughter to skate, too. But today, I'm happy to say that I did it with her and we had fun. After only half an hour she was scooting along pretty quickly and by the end of an hour she and her friend we're doing a show for us (her friend's mom and me), dancing and turning on the ice.
She wants to go again tomorrow, but we have her brother's swim meet. Another day. I'm thinking we'll end up being regulars at the rink this winter. Whoo-Hoo!
It might be slippery and hard to balance sometimes, but look at what we can do when we stretch ourselves while we're acting as the single-parent?
She wants to go again tomorrow, but we have her brother's swim meet. Another day. I'm thinking we'll end up being regulars at the rink this winter. Whoo-Hoo!
It might be slippery and hard to balance sometimes, but look at what we can do when we stretch ourselves while we're acting as the single-parent?
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
One more note
I just wanted to say that I have told no one but my son and Joel about this site. On purpose. I say that because I want you to know that I will tell Cheri about my plan for us to go out (rather than depend upon her to read this blog). And also...I'm not sure...I just wanted to put it all out there about how unsure (?) I am...not ready to share-share...because once I tell people about it, then it will be read by...well, someone, because so far no one has read it and that's perfect for now. I'm just feeling naked and vulnerable, I guess. But I do want someone to read these eventually. I do truly hope to uplift some other wives or husbands, maybe those whose spouses work for the military or some other governmental branch of service that takes them far away from their families. I do hope to make someone smile and remember something or someone in their own lives to be thankful for. Namaste.
Cheri-Berry-Butt
Today I am thankful for my sister, Cheri. With Joel gone and with my dubious vehicle situation (a story for another day), she and her husband, Herbie have been a godsend. But this post is about Cheri and reconnecting as sisters.
Though she only lives 3 miles away, we had fallen into the habit of rarely connecting except on special occasions. During the last year and a half we've made an improvement by meeting for our monthly book club thanks to our other sister, Katie for starting it--but I've still had the urge to hook-up with Cheri alone, just to talk and laugh like old times.
We're 3 years apart and have very different personalities, but we were always close growing up. Our brother and sister didn't come along until 7 and 9 years after Cheri's day of birth, so we were Two for most of our young childhoods. We used to play for hours at a time. One of our favortie made-up games, and likely our most inane, was...do you know that I don't think we ever gave it a name...? (thinking, thinking...) No, I'm sure we didn't. That's how truly idiotic it was. It was a game we only played at night when we were supposed to be sleeping. It's a game that now, as adults, every five to seven years or so, when the mood is right, one of us will assume the position on the floor of whomever's house we're at; henceforth, sending the other one of us into fits of laughter as we commence playing our bumble-headed game while the rest of our family looks on in confounded curiosity or with regretful knowledge.
It went like this:
As we lay in our beds at night, one of us would raise all 4 limbs toward the ceiling like...a dead bug. Not like the yoga dead bug pose (aka happy baby pose) where you grasp your toes, but with our arms and legs sticking straight up. The object was for the other person to get all 4 limbs to stay down at the same time. (And I do have 2 college degrees with honors...but I didn't then.) So if Cheri had all 4 limbs up, I would start by pressing her arm down, then maybe a leg, then another arm, but at that point, Cheri might pop one or both of her arms back up and I would have to essentially start over. Sometimes we would use brute force by laying atop the playee to hold all 3 limbs down while grasping and pulling to get that last arm or leg to cooperate.
We had fun anyway.
So now, with Joel gone and with both of our oldest sons on the high shcool swim team (mine is in 9th grade, hers is in 10th), we've been seeing each other a LOT. And I love it. And again, I am so grateful to my sister and her husband for handling way more than half of the driving. The boys swim 6 days/week; having a 6 year old who would have nothing to do with any of her brother's swim meets or practices if given the choice, does not make any of it easy. But Cheri and Herbie do. (Jen is my other godsend, but to be told on another day.) And, incidentally, I shouldn't be so hard on my daughter; she's been great at the meets that she's forced to attend, it's the moaning and groaning about it beforehand that she needs to work on. But back to Cheri: she drives us both to every away meet which gives us more sisterly bonding time and saves me from having to use "The Jeep", our gas-guzzling family hand-me-down (see note above). My only wish is that we get together one day, no swimming or book club involved, just to talk and have lunch or something. So that's what I'll do. I'll invite her to pick a day for us to go out. I've been saying that to myself for at least a year, but now that I have this blog to put it out there, I know I will do it.
Thanks and good-night.
Though she only lives 3 miles away, we had fallen into the habit of rarely connecting except on special occasions. During the last year and a half we've made an improvement by meeting for our monthly book club thanks to our other sister, Katie for starting it--but I've still had the urge to hook-up with Cheri alone, just to talk and laugh like old times.
We're 3 years apart and have very different personalities, but we were always close growing up. Our brother and sister didn't come along until 7 and 9 years after Cheri's day of birth, so we were Two for most of our young childhoods. We used to play for hours at a time. One of our favortie made-up games, and likely our most inane, was...do you know that I don't think we ever gave it a name...? (thinking, thinking...) No, I'm sure we didn't. That's how truly idiotic it was. It was a game we only played at night when we were supposed to be sleeping. It's a game that now, as adults, every five to seven years or so, when the mood is right, one of us will assume the position on the floor of whomever's house we're at; henceforth, sending the other one of us into fits of laughter as we commence playing our bumble-headed game while the rest of our family looks on in confounded curiosity or with regretful knowledge.
It went like this:
As we lay in our beds at night, one of us would raise all 4 limbs toward the ceiling like...a dead bug. Not like the yoga dead bug pose (aka happy baby pose) where you grasp your toes, but with our arms and legs sticking straight up. The object was for the other person to get all 4 limbs to stay down at the same time. (And I do have 2 college degrees with honors...but I didn't then.) So if Cheri had all 4 limbs up, I would start by pressing her arm down, then maybe a leg, then another arm, but at that point, Cheri might pop one or both of her arms back up and I would have to essentially start over. Sometimes we would use brute force by laying atop the playee to hold all 3 limbs down while grasping and pulling to get that last arm or leg to cooperate.
We had fun anyway.
So now, with Joel gone and with both of our oldest sons on the high shcool swim team (mine is in 9th grade, hers is in 10th), we've been seeing each other a LOT. And I love it. And again, I am so grateful to my sister and her husband for handling way more than half of the driving. The boys swim 6 days/week; having a 6 year old who would have nothing to do with any of her brother's swim meets or practices if given the choice, does not make any of it easy. But Cheri and Herbie do. (Jen is my other godsend, but to be told on another day.) And, incidentally, I shouldn't be so hard on my daughter; she's been great at the meets that she's forced to attend, it's the moaning and groaning about it beforehand that she needs to work on. But back to Cheri: she drives us both to every away meet which gives us more sisterly bonding time and saves me from having to use "The Jeep", our gas-guzzling family hand-me-down (see note above). My only wish is that we get together one day, no swimming or book club involved, just to talk and have lunch or something. So that's what I'll do. I'll invite her to pick a day for us to go out. I've been saying that to myself for at least a year, but now that I have this blog to put it out there, I know I will do it.
Thanks and good-night.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Meatloaf and Growth
(July 2010 Note: The name of this website used to be "The Benefits of Being a Single-Parent Without the Benefits". It's a phrase my friend, Jen came up with [she later told me after reading this back then] and that I wanted to dispel. After writing a blog about sunspots, I kept thinking that THAT name was so much easier and more appropriate; it covered more ground [I would find myself trying to put a single-parent spin on everything] and might appeal to a broader audience. My goal was to reach people having difficulties, namely, military families and other families who are separated by large distances and for many days, weeks, months, or even years at a time. But I soon realized that not every single topic I wrote about had to be specifically about parenting; we are more than just a mom or dad aren't we? Yes. So, if you are new to reading this site, I just wanted to clarify references I make in this particular piece {and maybe others early on}. Oh, and the font is only tiny in this first blog (I can't fix it); later blogs are much easier on the eyes.)
For at least two years or more I've had friends and family suggest that I start blogging as a suppliment to my daily writings. Of course they all knew me well and would always start with the caveat, "I know you're really not into computers and email, but..." And the minute the word blogging fell from their lips, I would stomp it right out at their feet. But then three nights ago, I watched "Julie & Julia". I picked it because I love Meryl Streep, Julia Child, and Amy Adams, too. Also, food and cooking have always been my forte. Perfect. (I really had no idea that the "Julie" half of the story was about a writer who had not been practicing her passion.) Anyway, the movie spoke to me; I had the inkling that I needed to pay attention to the blogging aspect of it, yet I argued with myself, Why? What would I write about everyday that other people would want to read?
The idea of starting a blog stayed with me all the next day and into the night.
But I don't want to blog! I told myself.
At 3am, I lay awake pondering my fortune at having such a generous and thoughtful friend in my soulsister, Jen. The kids and I had returned from visiting my husband on a 1:30am flight on December 31 and came home to find a meatloaf, a bunch of bananas, bread, strawberries, a cucumber, and milk (both kinds: soy and regular) to tide us over until I could get to the store. She specifically picked my kids' favorite foods and she knew that I try my best to be a vegan, or , at the very least a vegetarian, hence the soy milk. That, on top of the fact that she came to our house almost daily to get mail, watch over and feed my son's fish and lizard, shovel snow if necessary, AND she kept our Incredible Barking Beagle, Daisy the whole 10 days we were gone. AND her husband does not like animals of any kind, so kudos to him for agreeing to keep Daisy safe and happy for us, too. As I thought of Jen and her simple acts of kindness, it hit me: I could blog about the benefits of being a "single-parent without the benefits"!
I'm not sure which of us first coined the "single-parent w/o the benefits" phrase, but it's something Jen and I refer to at times because I'm it. I'm the mom, the dad, the hide-and-go-seek player, the tickle-monster, the homework helper, the breakfast, dinner, and lunch-maker, the dish-doer, the polly-pockets player, you get the idea. I was a single-mom years ago when my son was 3; I was working and putting myself through nursing school, yet this choice, what my husband and I are doing now, has been much more difficult to work through, by far.
But that's not what this blog is about. We all know how wearisome it can be to be living apart from the person you love and raising your kids (who themselves are deeply affected by having their dad live far, far away...) mostly alone, to boot. This blog is about finding the bright spots in daily living. Like Jen and her meatloaf. Like friends who will care for your dog, even when one of them "can't stand all the hair" (and let's be honest, Beagles really don't shed very much, but to him it's enough to drive him crazy if it gets on his work suit). Like a gracious mom who finagles her work schedule so that she can be available and awake at 2am to pick you and your kids up from the airport.
Today is January 4, 2010--exactly one year after my husband, Joel, left on a plane at 5am marking the start of his new job and our new and complicated adventure that we call our life together. We have both grown leaps and bounds since he left and isn't that what life is all about?
For at least two years or more I've had friends and family suggest that I start blogging as a suppliment to my daily writings. Of course they all knew me well and would always start with the caveat, "I know you're really not into computers and email, but..." And the minute the word blogging fell from their lips, I would stomp it right out at their feet. But then three nights ago, I watched "Julie & Julia". I picked it because I love Meryl Streep, Julia Child, and Amy Adams, too. Also, food and cooking have always been my forte. Perfect. (I really had no idea that the "Julie" half of the story was about a writer who had not been practicing her passion.) Anyway, the movie spoke to me; I had the inkling that I needed to pay attention to the blogging aspect of it, yet I argued with myself, Why? What would I write about everyday that other people would want to read?
The idea of starting a blog stayed with me all the next day and into the night.
But I don't want to blog! I told myself.
At 3am, I lay awake pondering my fortune at having such a generous and thoughtful friend in my soulsister, Jen. The kids and I had returned from visiting my husband on a 1:30am flight on December 31 and came home to find a meatloaf, a bunch of bananas, bread, strawberries, a cucumber, and milk (both kinds: soy and regular) to tide us over until I could get to the store. She specifically picked my kids' favorite foods and she knew that I try my best to be a vegan, or , at the very least a vegetarian, hence the soy milk. That, on top of the fact that she came to our house almost daily to get mail, watch over and feed my son's fish and lizard, shovel snow if necessary, AND she kept our Incredible Barking Beagle, Daisy the whole 10 days we were gone. AND her husband does not like animals of any kind, so kudos to him for agreeing to keep Daisy safe and happy for us, too. As I thought of Jen and her simple acts of kindness, it hit me: I could blog about the benefits of being a "single-parent without the benefits"!
I'm not sure which of us first coined the "single-parent w/o the benefits" phrase, but it's something Jen and I refer to at times because I'm it. I'm the mom, the dad, the hide-and-go-seek player, the tickle-monster, the homework helper, the breakfast, dinner, and lunch-maker, the dish-doer, the polly-pockets player, you get the idea. I was a single-mom years ago when my son was 3; I was working and putting myself through nursing school, yet this choice, what my husband and I are doing now, has been much more difficult to work through, by far.
But that's not what this blog is about. We all know how wearisome it can be to be living apart from the person you love and raising your kids (who themselves are deeply affected by having their dad live far, far away...) mostly alone, to boot. This blog is about finding the bright spots in daily living. Like Jen and her meatloaf. Like friends who will care for your dog, even when one of them "can't stand all the hair" (and let's be honest, Beagles really don't shed very much, but to him it's enough to drive him crazy if it gets on his work suit). Like a gracious mom who finagles her work schedule so that she can be available and awake at 2am to pick you and your kids up from the airport.
Today is January 4, 2010--exactly one year after my husband, Joel, left on a plane at 5am marking the start of his new job and our new and complicated adventure that we call our life together. We have both grown leaps and bounds since he left and isn't that what life is all about?
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