It's no accident that part of the address to this site is, "ginassunspots". At first I tried for bright spots but it was already taken. Sunspots immediately came to my head and I knew it was perfect; better than bright spots. Sunspots are actually dark spots on the sun that are associated with strong magnetic fields. (I've always loved science.) Serendipitous, I thought, after I had typed in "ginassunspots" and saw that the name was available. The relative size of the sun's sunspots compared to the ubiquitous, bright light of the sun itself is incomparable. So it's a play on words. Since my goal was to uplift and focus on the daily blessings of single-parenting, a position that is certainly well associated with dark and difficult aspects, I thought it would be the perfect way to say, but look at all of that light? Look at all of those sunny spots. When we focus on the peaceful and loving and giving aspects of our lives, it helps us to stay that way and to attract that into our lives every single day--just like the strong magnetic fields of the sunspots.
So. Tonight, after Nate's swimming meet, I was driving home down Main Street and saw Barb's Pasties. It was a place I'd never been to, but years ago I had a patient from the U.P. tell me that Barb's is the best for authentic Yooper Pasties. Back then I worked and frequented that side of town but I never took the opportunity to try Barb's Pasties. Now, with my automobile woes of the past year I've tended to stay closer to home and had not been in that city for quite some time.
Again, if I were not acting as the lone parent, this probably would not have happened the way it did tonight. First of all, the dance class I'd signed Grace up to do on Saturdays was cancelled. The only other dance classes available were on Tuesdays at 5:30pm or Thursdays at 6pm. Nate's swim meets are also on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 6pm. I love watching Nate swim, and my nephew, too. Grace tolerates it. The dance class was a Christmas gift and something she's been asking to do for sooo long. She must tolerate having her dad live 7 states away AND riding along in the car during the weeks that it's my turn to drive the boys to and from swimming practice and meets. (She begs me to just let her stay home-she's six, so that'll never happen.) It's literally an hour and a half out of her (our) day just for the car part alone and that's just on practice days. On meet days it's a longer time spent in the car--plus the meet itself. To tell Grace that her ballet class was cancelled and that she'd have to wait months from now to join a different one? (I checked) Absolutely not.
So she recently started a half-hour ballet class that starts at 5:30 on Tuesdays. And it's not like I can watch Grace in her dance class; the doors are closed and parents sit and wait in the hall. So I read or write. Since I don't have my husband readily available to share the logistics of it, I was driving my own car, "The Jeep" (not really my own, it's technically my mom's), instead of having Cheri drive us like usual to the away meets. So when I saw Barb's I decided to pull right in to finally try those pasties.
Well, they have subs and pizza and dessert items, too. I got pasties for Nate and me, but Grace wanted something different. She decided on a sub. The bill came to $14.20. I went to grab my credit card and realized I'd forgotten to ask if they accepted them. It was a small, family-run place, I just had a sudden feeling that they only accepted cash and I was right. Well, no, not completely right: they take personal checks, too. But no credit or debit. I had exactly $8 in my purse. I had just emptied the bigger bills I'd won this weekend at Joel's mom's house in some friendly games of 4-5-6 and Screw Your Neighbor. (We played a total of 7 rounds: four games of 4-5-6 at $3/round and three games of the Neighborly one at $1 each. Nate or I won all 7 pots!) But isn't it strange that I just emptied the bills out of my purse today...?
Do you know what that nice lady said to me? (It wasn't Barb, but she was so very nice.) She told me I could just come back and pay them later! $6.20! Pay another day. She wrote my first name, just "Gina" on a tiny piece of paper with the words "owes $6.20". I was so shocked and grateful, I said, tomorrow. She said, Whenever you can get here.
Now ain't that a nice spot of sunshine?
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
The Power of One
One person can make a difference in our world. Like Martin Luther King, Jr.'s nonviolent activism during the African-American civil rights movement in our country (and he was inspired by Gandhi...); or, on a smaller scale, celebrities like George Clooney organizing a fundraising event for the people of Haiti; or, Ellen Degeneres reaching out to her viewers that are struggling financially; or, on an even smaller scale, but no less important, people like teachers and parents that make a difference in kids' lives everyday; one person, even one single parent, can make a difference in our world by acknowledging our interconnections to others with the simple or not-so-simple acts they initiate and follow through with everyday.
We all have the power to make a difference in our world on any scale. Acting as a single-parent, we have the unique opportunity to know implicitly, that we can do our daily work, pay the bills, run the household, raise our kids, and in our spare time, maybe even save the world, one person, one connection at a time.
We all have the power to make a difference in our world on any scale. Acting as a single-parent, we have the unique opportunity to know implicitly, that we can do our daily work, pay the bills, run the household, raise our kids, and in our spare time, maybe even save the world, one person, one connection at a time.
Friday, January 15, 2010
We See You Haiti and We Will Not Forget
I don't know why I didn't think of this 2 days ago; Wednesday morning when I saw the news of Haiti on my home page I immediately clicked to the links that led to the donation sites and chose Red Cross International to offer financial support. Yet, still, I felt like there was more I could do. All day thoughts of going down to Haiti to offer my services as a nurse ran through my head. Of course I couldn't do that with 2 kids at home and no second parent at home(Nathan's dad lives here, but it would not be feasible for him to take over care of Grace for me.). Then I briefly, but not seriously, played with the idea of taking Nathan and Grace with me. If Grace were older, maybe I would seriously consider it, but she's too young. In the meantime I've been sending them healing Reiki energy; but still, I wondered what else could I do?
Each day I asked Nate and Grace if they talked about it at school and each day the answer was no. So today I talked to Nathan about our connectedness to all people and living things. He's heard me talk about our interconnections many times, but I encouraged him to donate some of his saved money to Haiti this time. He did and then it hit me: I can encourage the readers of this blog to donate what they can. I can facilitate donations by posting links to helpful websites.
Maybe you've already donated. But I say, if you can, give a little more. Even five or ten dollars can make a difference. Maybe you are reading this a week or a month or 6 months after it happened; I'll bet they still need help. Just give what you can and then remember them again later when it's not all over the news and radio and computer home pages, and give again. Also remember that blood is a commodity that is always needed. Right now, the Red Cross is not asking for blood donors specifically for Haiti, but there is always a need. Especially for types O and B negative. If it's been awhile since you've donated blood or if you never have, now would be an excellent time to do it. Whatever we may be going through acting as a single-parent, for most of us, it does not begin to compare to what the Haitians are going through now and probably for years to come.
Here are 3 helpful links: http://www.whitehouse.gov/
http://www.redcross.org/
www.cidi.org
To borrow a phrase from James Cameron's Avatar (which I have not seen yet, but Nathan has and Grace and I will soon), we see you, people of Haiti.
Peace, love, and light to all of you.
Each day I asked Nate and Grace if they talked about it at school and each day the answer was no. So today I talked to Nathan about our connectedness to all people and living things. He's heard me talk about our interconnections many times, but I encouraged him to donate some of his saved money to Haiti this time. He did and then it hit me: I can encourage the readers of this blog to donate what they can. I can facilitate donations by posting links to helpful websites.
Maybe you've already donated. But I say, if you can, give a little more. Even five or ten dollars can make a difference. Maybe you are reading this a week or a month or 6 months after it happened; I'll bet they still need help. Just give what you can and then remember them again later when it's not all over the news and radio and computer home pages, and give again. Also remember that blood is a commodity that is always needed. Right now, the Red Cross is not asking for blood donors specifically for Haiti, but there is always a need. Especially for types O and B negative. If it's been awhile since you've donated blood or if you never have, now would be an excellent time to do it. Whatever we may be going through acting as a single-parent, for most of us, it does not begin to compare to what the Haitians are going through now and probably for years to come.
Here are 3 helpful links: http://www.whitehouse.gov/
http://www.redcross.org/
www.cidi.org
To borrow a phrase from James Cameron's Avatar (which I have not seen yet, but Nathan has and Grace and I will soon), we see you, people of Haiti.
Peace, love, and light to all of you.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Snoring
Need I say more?
Well, if you are a single-parent and you have a child, dog, or cat that sometimes crawls into your bed at night, and they snore...well...at least it's not every night, right? And they're probably not as loud as your absent lover. Our son, our daughter, and our beagle all snore, occasionally. Our beagle is the loudest and snores the most...when Joel's not here. But most nights she's in Nathan's room and he sleeps right through it.
Always remembering the little things to be thankful for when life seems so overwhelming. (-;
Well, if you are a single-parent and you have a child, dog, or cat that sometimes crawls into your bed at night, and they snore...well...at least it's not every night, right? And they're probably not as loud as your absent lover. Our son, our daughter, and our beagle all snore, occasionally. Our beagle is the loudest and snores the most...when Joel's not here. But most nights she's in Nathan's room and he sleeps right through it.
Always remembering the little things to be thankful for when life seems so overwhelming. (-;
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Control of the TV Remote
Both my husband and I grew up in homes where the TV was a constant companion...whether anyone was paying attention or not. For some reason, he grew up to be the same way and I grew up to be the opposite. Granted, he's not as attched as my dad was, or as his mom is, but when he's home, the TV is on least 50% more often than when he is not home. So I have to say (sorry Honey, but I must) that I love having control of the remote when he's not here.
In most cases, I'd rather read than watch TV. And I'd rather my kids be reading (or playing outside, or playing board games, or cards, or wrestling, or dancing to Nate's piano playing, or playing our nighttime favorite: hide-and-go-seek-in-the-dark...all of which I also participate in...not the wrestling as much). We have so much fun together!
Not to say that we never watch TV. We do. And we enjoy the downtime together: sitting all cozy on the couch, but when it's just me as the parent, I get to choose the shows we watch. (whoo-hoo! No more all evening marathons of Law and Order--it can be so depressing and never good for Grace to watch and she doesn't, but if Joel is, then they're not interacting; and Myth Busters--I can't get over the wastefulness on that show...) six months ago we didn't have access to any TV because we didn't have cable and we'd cancelled our satellite for the past 2 years to save money. But when Joel was to come home briefly, last summer, for the first time since starting his new job, I wanted to surprise him with TV reception so I signed up for one of those internet/phone/TV deals which happened to include DVR. The DVR thing was a bonus that I knew my son and Joel would appreciate, but as a person who watches little TV, I also appreciate it greatly.
My three TV shows of choice are Ellen, So You Think You Can Dance, and Jeopardy!. The kids enjoy laughing and dancing (well, only Grace and I dance) with Ellen. She reinforces what I teach my kids: be generous to all and to have fun while doing it. So You Think You Can Dance is a show that I decided to try when we first got this DVR thing because I LOVE to dance and watch dancing, and I love the show. It's doing great things for dance and the arts. And Jeopardy! is a long-time family favorite (my dad, my sister Cheri, and me all love trivia games and shows). So I get to watch the shows of my choosing without having the TV on all day or all night long.
In general, when Grace watches TV, it is something from PBS or Animal Planet. Nathan enjoys the animal and nature and discovery type shows, but he likes to watch my 3 shows, too (and reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond). But the bottom line for me is that we're not watching or having it on every minute we're here as sometimes happens when my beloved is home.
So to me, having control of the remote is definately a benefit of being a single-parent. (Although, I have to say, really, Nathan controls it, he says I'm too slow at FF through the commercials, and that's fine by me.)
In most cases, I'd rather read than watch TV. And I'd rather my kids be reading (or playing outside, or playing board games, or cards, or wrestling, or dancing to Nate's piano playing, or playing our nighttime favorite: hide-and-go-seek-in-the-dark...all of which I also participate in...not the wrestling as much). We have so much fun together!
Not to say that we never watch TV. We do. And we enjoy the downtime together: sitting all cozy on the couch, but when it's just me as the parent, I get to choose the shows we watch. (whoo-hoo! No more all evening marathons of Law and Order--it can be so depressing and never good for Grace to watch and she doesn't, but if Joel is, then they're not interacting; and Myth Busters--I can't get over the wastefulness on that show...) six months ago we didn't have access to any TV because we didn't have cable and we'd cancelled our satellite for the past 2 years to save money. But when Joel was to come home briefly, last summer, for the first time since starting his new job, I wanted to surprise him with TV reception so I signed up for one of those internet/phone/TV deals which happened to include DVR. The DVR thing was a bonus that I knew my son and Joel would appreciate, but as a person who watches little TV, I also appreciate it greatly.
My three TV shows of choice are Ellen, So You Think You Can Dance, and Jeopardy!. The kids enjoy laughing and dancing (well, only Grace and I dance) with Ellen. She reinforces what I teach my kids: be generous to all and to have fun while doing it. So You Think You Can Dance is a show that I decided to try when we first got this DVR thing because I LOVE to dance and watch dancing, and I love the show. It's doing great things for dance and the arts. And Jeopardy! is a long-time family favorite (my dad, my sister Cheri, and me all love trivia games and shows). So I get to watch the shows of my choosing without having the TV on all day or all night long.
In general, when Grace watches TV, it is something from PBS or Animal Planet. Nathan enjoys the animal and nature and discovery type shows, but he likes to watch my 3 shows, too (and reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond). But the bottom line for me is that we're not watching or having it on every minute we're here as sometimes happens when my beloved is home.
So to me, having control of the remote is definately a benefit of being a single-parent. (Although, I have to say, really, Nathan controls it, he says I'm too slow at FF through the commercials, and that's fine by me.)
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Going With the Flow
When you're a single parent you can change dinner plans without notifying anyone at all.
Last night, after dropping Nate and my nephew at the high school for swimming practice, and after Grace and I ran an errand, she saw a McDonald's and asked if we could stop in to eat dinner and play. Even though I had spent four hours on Sunday chopping, mixing, pouring, and preparing three different dinners for the week, and even though I don't really eat anything at McDonald's except the fries--I said, "That sounds like fun, Grace. Why not?" The boys' practice didn't let out until 7:15pm so that gave us an hour and 15 minutes to eat, play, and be merry.
I got to watch Gracie patiently guide a slightly younger and nervous girl through the wobbly tunnels up high, over and over. "One more time, please!" The girl would say, and Grace unwaveringly obliged with a smile in her whole being.
After about 15 minutes, Grace tried, "You're doing so good. I think you're ready for the bigger one. Want to try?"
"No! No, the shorter one! The shorter one!" So Grace continued helping her through the shorter tunnels (up equally as high--go figure) until the girl had to go home.
Later, two more girls, slightly older than Grace, came to play. I got to watch the three of them giggle and run and climb and slide as they played effortlessly together. I got to exchange sneaky, silent looks and laughs with my daughter while she hid in her super-excellent spot under the lime-green stairs and, as usual with her new McDonald's Playplace friends, they could not find her without finally asking her to call out a clue. It happens every time; for some reason the kids never think to look under the stairs. And then the next thing that happens every time, and these girls were no different, is that the other kids will try to hide in the same spot and can't understand how the seeker found them so quickly. It's the little things that amuse me.
When one of the older girls suggested that they play "house" I briefly wondered if their would be a disagreement because Grace immediately called out, "Okay! I'll be the mom!" Grace is always the mom. But no, the other two almost as quickly called, "I'll be the baby!" and "I'll be the big sister!" Isn't it great just to go with the flow?
Last night, after dropping Nate and my nephew at the high school for swimming practice, and after Grace and I ran an errand, she saw a McDonald's and asked if we could stop in to eat dinner and play. Even though I had spent four hours on Sunday chopping, mixing, pouring, and preparing three different dinners for the week, and even though I don't really eat anything at McDonald's except the fries--I said, "That sounds like fun, Grace. Why not?" The boys' practice didn't let out until 7:15pm so that gave us an hour and 15 minutes to eat, play, and be merry.
I got to watch Gracie patiently guide a slightly younger and nervous girl through the wobbly tunnels up high, over and over. "One more time, please!" The girl would say, and Grace unwaveringly obliged with a smile in her whole being.
After about 15 minutes, Grace tried, "You're doing so good. I think you're ready for the bigger one. Want to try?"
"No! No, the shorter one! The shorter one!" So Grace continued helping her through the shorter tunnels (up equally as high--go figure) until the girl had to go home.
Later, two more girls, slightly older than Grace, came to play. I got to watch the three of them giggle and run and climb and slide as they played effortlessly together. I got to exchange sneaky, silent looks and laughs with my daughter while she hid in her super-excellent spot under the lime-green stairs and, as usual with her new McDonald's Playplace friends, they could not find her without finally asking her to call out a clue. It happens every time; for some reason the kids never think to look under the stairs. And then the next thing that happens every time, and these girls were no different, is that the other kids will try to hide in the same spot and can't understand how the seeker found them so quickly. It's the little things that amuse me.
When one of the older girls suggested that they play "house" I briefly wondered if their would be a disagreement because Grace immediately called out, "Okay! I'll be the mom!" Grace is always the mom. But no, the other two almost as quickly called, "I'll be the baby!" and "I'll be the big sister!" Isn't it great just to go with the flow?
Monday, January 11, 2010
Nater-Tater/TermiNater/Sha-Nay-Nay
Or just Nate.
From birth my son, Nathan was a quiet and introspective child. And from birth he's been a comedian among those he feels most comfortable; the numbers are probably less than 10. As a very young student, Nate would often come home and tell me that the kids in his class made another comment to him about how he "never talks". Despite his severe shyness, he has always been self-aware enough to find the humor and irony in the picture that his teachers and classmates had of him, even at the young age of 7. At home he is always a clown. His teachers would be shocked. So would his classmates. He was voted "Nicest Boy" in the Eighth Grade Mock Elections and he deserved it, but I am here to say that Nathan does have an evil side to him. Mmwwha-Hahaha!
On Sunday, we were playing school: Grace was the teacher and Nathan and I were the students. Though I acted as a perfect student, Nate did not. It started when Gracie suddenly yelled, "Na-THAN!"
From Nate: (snicker-snickering and feigning innocence) "What did I do?" (At that point I still didn't know what he had done to rattle her cage.)
"You're staring at your pencil like a nuthead!"
Next she gave us a writing assignment. Again, as I was studiously doing as the teacher said, I was suddenly made aware of the steam coming from my daughter's nose and ears as she silently gave Nate the evil-eye with her hands on her hips. Nathan said matter-of-factly: "Not everybody has nice handwriting." And he continued to write while holding the pencil by the very top, near the eraser.
"WHY are you WRITING like that? You're MAKING yourself have bad handwriting!"
Later, I can't remember exactly what he had done, but in an attempt to intimidate her disruptive student, Grace had climbed up on a stool to stand over Nathan who sat at his "desk". She said nothing, but her stoney silence didn't last long because Nate didn't miss a beat; he asked: "Did you just get shorter?"
"NATH-AN!!"
(more snickering from the evil big brother) "Miss MEIN-E-MA!!"
And on it went for another 20 minutes. She's so easy. She is the intense dancing fire and he is the calm blue sea.
Of course, being Nate's mom I get to see that real side of him on a daily basis. Acting as a single-mom, I am privy to a side of him that he only shows if he is in the right frame of mind and under certain conditions. One such condition is when he knows that we can chat uninterrupted after Grace has fallen asleep. (I can't say "gone to bed" because that means nothing--it could be another hour or 2 before she finally falls asleep.)
Though he has always been a clown, Nate has never been a big talker. Partially because of his difficulties with emoting in public, Nathan is far from a typical teenaged boy. For instance, he's never demonstrated a competetive edge in anything, be it academics, sports, music, or art. He excels in all areas, and there's no question that he has a passion for learning in all areas, but still, extracurricular/team sports have always been his achilles heel. As I said, he is very athletic and he does exceedingly well in all of his P.E. classes, but put him on a team and he freezes up.
I believe that if we are afraid of something , we need to expose ourselves to it more and more or practice it more and more until we wonder what we were afraid of in the first place. (Hence, one reason I started this blog.) Nathan knows that and he actually agrees. So in 7th and 8th grades we "made" him take the 6 week swim clinic offered for free by the high school swim coaches. Both times he didn't want to do it, and both times he really enjoyed it by the end. Swimming is the perfect team sport for him because he doesn't have to hear or see "everyone looking at (him)" as he does his part to help the team. Also, the coaches are great and the swimmers are a such a nice group of kids, that even the social aspects of it are perfect for Nate's personality.
So by the middle of the 8th grade clinic, we (his dad, Joel, me, my sisters, his cousin, the coaches...) were all encouraging Nathan to join the high school team in 9th grade. He was adamant that he would not. He basically said that he did what we'd asked of him by doing the swim clinic both years and could he just be done now? But he was a natural at the freestyle; so graceful and fast, we knew he would do well and we thought it would bring him out of his shell a bit, socially. But we backed off. We knew he just needed space to see clearly for himself. By the last week of the clinic, he told me he was going to join the high shcool swim team for 9th grade.
When the start of the season rolled around this past November, he was regretting his choice because of the intense feelings of nervousness he was experiencing the week before it started. Of course I made him keep his word and I talked him down a few times when he was actually making himself sick to his stomach thinking about it. I reminded him of how much he enjoyed the meets at the end of the last clinic. He knew and sure enough, by the end of the first week of practice, he was completely fine with it again. Still not passionate about it, but as the weeks have passed, he's become more and more animated when talking about swimming. And then Saturday night, out of the blue, he said, "I'm getting a 26 on Tuesday, Mom."
I was thrown. We were watching a movie that had just gone to commercial. "Twenty-six?"
"For the 50."
And I knew. And I felt so happy for him. And I felt so priveledged to witness the spark that lit within him. He was letting me in on his rising determination to challenge himself as a swimmer. His best time for the 50 yard free-style is 27.46 seconds, with a consistant time of 28-something. So he was telling me that he is passionate about swimming. He's finally ready to put his heart into it. He admitted that sometimes in a race, after he dives in he forgets that he is supposed to be going his fastest (hopefully Coach never reads this) and that he is sure now that he can do much better if he makes himself go as fast as he can the entire race. He said that he doesn't mean to (forget) and that it hasn't happened often but he also says he is not completely winded after a race so he knows he can push himself to go faster. Also, he has a beautiful head of wavey dark hair that he has asked me to cut extra short to possibly improve his times. Today at practice, he asked Coach if he could have a team swim cap for the meet tomorrow while he still has his full head of hair.
These past 2 days he's been talking a lot about swimming and his personal challenges and goals. While he's a natural at the free, he has a very long way to go in getting the other strokes down and he knows it. He's finally ready and eager to practice hard.
Being a single-mom gives me more opportunity to share one-on-one time with my son and that allows him the freedom and comfort to say what he needs to say. I am honored and grateful to be the one he chooses to open up to. I can't wait for the world to meet the Nathan that I know.
From birth my son, Nathan was a quiet and introspective child. And from birth he's been a comedian among those he feels most comfortable; the numbers are probably less than 10. As a very young student, Nate would often come home and tell me that the kids in his class made another comment to him about how he "never talks". Despite his severe shyness, he has always been self-aware enough to find the humor and irony in the picture that his teachers and classmates had of him, even at the young age of 7. At home he is always a clown. His teachers would be shocked. So would his classmates. He was voted "Nicest Boy" in the Eighth Grade Mock Elections and he deserved it, but I am here to say that Nathan does have an evil side to him. Mmwwha-Hahaha!
On Sunday, we were playing school: Grace was the teacher and Nathan and I were the students. Though I acted as a perfect student, Nate did not. It started when Gracie suddenly yelled, "Na-THAN!"
From Nate: (snicker-snickering and feigning innocence) "What did I do?" (At that point I still didn't know what he had done to rattle her cage.)
"You're staring at your pencil like a nuthead!"
Next she gave us a writing assignment. Again, as I was studiously doing as the teacher said, I was suddenly made aware of the steam coming from my daughter's nose and ears as she silently gave Nate the evil-eye with her hands on her hips. Nathan said matter-of-factly: "Not everybody has nice handwriting." And he continued to write while holding the pencil by the very top, near the eraser.
"WHY are you WRITING like that? You're MAKING yourself have bad handwriting!"
Later, I can't remember exactly what he had done, but in an attempt to intimidate her disruptive student, Grace had climbed up on a stool to stand over Nathan who sat at his "desk". She said nothing, but her stoney silence didn't last long because Nate didn't miss a beat; he asked: "Did you just get shorter?"
"NATH-AN!!"
(more snickering from the evil big brother) "Miss MEIN-E-MA!!"
And on it went for another 20 minutes. She's so easy. She is the intense dancing fire and he is the calm blue sea.
Of course, being Nate's mom I get to see that real side of him on a daily basis. Acting as a single-mom, I am privy to a side of him that he only shows if he is in the right frame of mind and under certain conditions. One such condition is when he knows that we can chat uninterrupted after Grace has fallen asleep. (I can't say "gone to bed" because that means nothing--it could be another hour or 2 before she finally falls asleep.)
Though he has always been a clown, Nate has never been a big talker. Partially because of his difficulties with emoting in public, Nathan is far from a typical teenaged boy. For instance, he's never demonstrated a competetive edge in anything, be it academics, sports, music, or art. He excels in all areas, and there's no question that he has a passion for learning in all areas, but still, extracurricular/team sports have always been his achilles heel. As I said, he is very athletic and he does exceedingly well in all of his P.E. classes, but put him on a team and he freezes up.
I believe that if we are afraid of something , we need to expose ourselves to it more and more or practice it more and more until we wonder what we were afraid of in the first place. (Hence, one reason I started this blog.) Nathan knows that and he actually agrees. So in 7th and 8th grades we "made" him take the 6 week swim clinic offered for free by the high school swim coaches. Both times he didn't want to do it, and both times he really enjoyed it by the end. Swimming is the perfect team sport for him because he doesn't have to hear or see "everyone looking at (him)" as he does his part to help the team. Also, the coaches are great and the swimmers are a such a nice group of kids, that even the social aspects of it are perfect for Nate's personality.
So by the middle of the 8th grade clinic, we (his dad, Joel, me, my sisters, his cousin, the coaches...) were all encouraging Nathan to join the high school team in 9th grade. He was adamant that he would not. He basically said that he did what we'd asked of him by doing the swim clinic both years and could he just be done now? But he was a natural at the freestyle; so graceful and fast, we knew he would do well and we thought it would bring him out of his shell a bit, socially. But we backed off. We knew he just needed space to see clearly for himself. By the last week of the clinic, he told me he was going to join the high shcool swim team for 9th grade.
When the start of the season rolled around this past November, he was regretting his choice because of the intense feelings of nervousness he was experiencing the week before it started. Of course I made him keep his word and I talked him down a few times when he was actually making himself sick to his stomach thinking about it. I reminded him of how much he enjoyed the meets at the end of the last clinic. He knew and sure enough, by the end of the first week of practice, he was completely fine with it again. Still not passionate about it, but as the weeks have passed, he's become more and more animated when talking about swimming. And then Saturday night, out of the blue, he said, "I'm getting a 26 on Tuesday, Mom."
I was thrown. We were watching a movie that had just gone to commercial. "Twenty-six?"
"For the 50."
And I knew. And I felt so happy for him. And I felt so priveledged to witness the spark that lit within him. He was letting me in on his rising determination to challenge himself as a swimmer. His best time for the 50 yard free-style is 27.46 seconds, with a consistant time of 28-something. So he was telling me that he is passionate about swimming. He's finally ready to put his heart into it. He admitted that sometimes in a race, after he dives in he forgets that he is supposed to be going his fastest (hopefully Coach never reads this) and that he is sure now that he can do much better if he makes himself go as fast as he can the entire race. He said that he doesn't mean to (forget) and that it hasn't happened often but he also says he is not completely winded after a race so he knows he can push himself to go faster. Also, he has a beautiful head of wavey dark hair that he has asked me to cut extra short to possibly improve his times. Today at practice, he asked Coach if he could have a team swim cap for the meet tomorrow while he still has his full head of hair.
These past 2 days he's been talking a lot about swimming and his personal challenges and goals. While he's a natural at the free, he has a very long way to go in getting the other strokes down and he knows it. He's finally ready and eager to practice hard.
Being a single-mom gives me more opportunity to share one-on-one time with my son and that allows him the freedom and comfort to say what he needs to say. I am honored and grateful to be the one he chooses to open up to. I can't wait for the world to meet the Nathan that I know.
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