Strengthening Our Affinities

For those of you that are doing what I'm doing--holding down the fort while your spouse is away for x number of months or years--this one is for you.

I know that some days are so hard. If you have little ones it can be even harder. You have to be strong and positive for them; and when you do get to see your spouse, most, if not all of the time is focused on family. It's important for the kids to spend special alone time with their usually absent parent. It's important for us as husbands and wives, too, but we know it is more important for our kids; it wasn't their choice to accept a job that takes one parent far away, it was our choice. Of course, we made that decision because we thought it was for the best in the long run but we must be prepared to accept the consequences of our choices, right? Yes...

One consequence of having your spouse far, far away is that you will miss them in a way that is reminiscent of your courting days when you couldn't bear to be apart for one full day, let alone two years. Give or take. And I'm sure most people are like us and can't afford to visit often since the cost of flying back and forth, combined with maintaining two households (granted his is much cheaper since he shares a place with 3 other guys--but then that left so little room for privacy when we visited him--it's a catch-22, a give-and-take...you make the best of it), combined with the fact that if you made this decision (to accept a job so far away), it probably meant that you were in financial dire straights to start with, right? Most likely. So where does that leave us?

With love letters, of course.

When Joel and I were first dating, he lived about 40 minutes away; we wrote notes and love letters to each other often. And still, when we lived together, we left notes for each other regularly.

Since he's been gone these last 14 months, I've taken up the practice of writing letters to him again. Admittedly, not as often as I had imagined I would; but probably more than most people in these days of texting and emails and twitter. I just wrote one today. Thanks to Ellen DeGeneres, I have started watching American Idol for the first time. I love that guy, Lee Dewyze. He sang "Chasing Cars" last week and made me cry; he brought Joel right back to me in that aching moment. Lee's version of that song is part of what inspired me to write the letter to Joel today. Although the dreams I had last night might have had something to do with it, too. Nothing too crazy, just sweet. I love my husband and I miss him.

If you are feeling the same and you haven't tried pen and paper yet, give it a shot. You can pour your heart and soul out onto that paper, and your husband or wife will love it. They will love to discover it in their mailbox, they will love to read the words that your hand wrote, and they will love to hold the paper that your hands once held. They will even love that they can keep it and show it (well, maybe not certain letters) to their kids or grandkids later in life. If nothing else, they will appreciate knowing that you took time out in your day to do something just for them.

We can stregthen our affinities no matter how far apart we are.