In the Gregory David Roberts novel, Shantaram, one of the characters, Karla, says, "If fate doesn't make you laugh, then you just don't get the joke." I love that line. Maybe partly because I can be so slow at getting the jokes that Nate and Joel get right away and then it turns into a laugh-fest at me. I laugh, too. I do get the jokes; just not as quickly as everyone else--When I do, I think it's as funny as anyone that my comprehension could be so dilatory, and we end up laughing all the more. So when crazy things happen, especially in groupings, I look for Fate's punchline and often I am quicker than most to get it, hence my appreciation for Karla's line.
I mentioned last week that my identity was stolen--actually, it was just one credit card that an international fraud ring got hold of, posing as me online in London, Berlin, D.C....they racked up about $4000 in charges within a few days. But the funny thing was that my identity had been stolen about 10 years ago. As I've mentioned in the first blog, I am not at all technically savvy; I'm not online often (well, when I'm researching for a writing project or something...I am),I do some online bill paying, but nothing is saved to the computer or anything like that. And ten years ago I had an email account that I never checked and that was it. So it's just funny that someone got me twice in ten years.
The first one, I never knew about until the bill collectors tracked me down a year later accusing me of hiding out. The person who opened the account lived in Ohio, gave a fake Ohio address and phone, and they knew my mom's maiden name. The charges added up to about $1000 and the card was never used after two large purchases, but it took me almost a year to get it resolved. Almost no one believed me and when I reached someone who did believe me, they had no idea what to do about it. It just wasn't as common back then. It was a constant game of phone calls, explaining my story over and over, most often on prejudiced ears (most made it perfectly clear that they thought I was lying...), two different people on two different occasions actually hung up on me midsentence and I promise you that I never raised my voice and I never used harsh words. I knew that each new person I spoke to had nothing to do with the person I had spoken to before. But for some reason, most of them seemed to form an immediate opinion about me often referring to me as "people like you". It was crazy. That's why it took nearly a year, because sometimes I needed to take a week off from the negativity coming at me through the phone with each call I made. Also, I was sent on wild goose chases by the few that tried to help me by guessing at what I should do (sending me to my own city police, who directed me to the Cleavland, Ohio police, who directed me right back to the credit card company...).
This time, among the charges were a trip to Italy, a notebook computer, backpacking gear, and $300 in music downloads. I said, "They're buying things that I want to buy for myself!...I'm Monica! I'm Monamana!" (that Friends episode...) And people do mispronounce "Meinema (say: MINE-eh-mah)" as "MoNAMana"! I've been planning to go to Italy for years now, but my goal was by 2010 ("italy2010" was one of my passwords to get to patient information on the hospital computers years ago)...Nate, Jen, and I were supposed to go...but then Joel lost his job, moved to AZ...so it will wait at least another year. Also, the day before I'd found out about the charges, I told myself that I needed to get my own laptop since my computer is going so slowly, it's old...and this is Jen's laptop I'm using until she needs it again in the summer when she has to give her school laptop back (she's a teacher).
And THEN: the very next day after I found out about the fraud charges and said I was Monamana/Monica, Nate turned on that episode of Friends. It's been at least a year or two since the last time Nate and I watched Friends and it's been months since we watched any TV show together (he was always swimming--oh, and he beat his goal of 26 seconds for the 50-Free, he gets 25's regularly--he's got that passion for it now), but there it was, just starting, the one where Monica becomes Monamana and takes dance lessons and tries out for a Broadway play with the girl who stole her identity.
So I'm laughing. And there's more, too much to tell. This is already so choppy, I know. Maybe I'll fix it later. Well, you know about my debit/credit card being declined...that's resolved, too (our bank wasn't used to us using it so much and in two different states...). As of last night my phone went out. Today I was online "chatting" with a tech to try to fix it for an hour and a half. I was typing, running back to the computer room to troubleshoot for/with JOHN--checking wires, unplugging, plugging, finding the right port, etc. and making dinner for Grace. I'm coo-coo for cocoa puffs! It's still not fixed. It will be at least two days. Please, if you are trying to call me, don't leave a message because I can't get to them.
My point and the reason I am laughing is because I know it's not just funny or weird that this has happened. Twice. Ten years ago my life was going through an overhaul. I was separated from my husband, Donnie. I was completely changing my career path by attending nursing school. I was getting a new identity (but fighting it back then; I fought with myself a lot in those days, which is partly why the process to get it straighened out was so rocky, right?).
This time, I'm flowing with the changes. JOHN said I was "easy to work with". I got a good laugh out of that since, to me, none of it seemed easy...I was already laughing at myself because it's like a maze of wires back there, I know nothing about any of it... anyway, when he typed that, I laughed more. Thanks again wherever you are, JOHN.
I've been in the process of transformation for two and a half years--since the day I decided to be a writer in August of 2007. I am looking at this as a sign of culmination. This is the year I will get an agent and finally be published and paid for the work I've been doing. I just know it. Right when I found out from Saks Fifth Avenue security that someone from London was trying to use my name and Master Card to by a pair of $532 Gucci loafers,(I guess because I'd never shopped at Saks in my life is what tipped them off--and they were the first to notify me, not my card company, thanks Saks security--), I was stunned more at the fact that this was the second time in ten years that someone stole my identity. And I knew that I had to pay attention. An hour later, after speaking to someone from the credit card company, who told me about the trip to Italy, the notebook computer... I knew. This will be a pivotal year. I'm on my way to being able to afford a trip to Italy, regular hiking trips, an iPod or MP3 player, or something like that (I LOVE music and I'm still using a boom box and CDs--our stereo is out, too)and my very own notebook computer.
We must remember to laugh. Even when things seem to be going wrong--there's a reason. Just have faith and laugh and enjoy the growth.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Date Night
Friday night I received the unexpected gift of freedom when my dear friend, Donnie (who also used to be my husband), invited Grace to stay the night at his house with him and Nathan. What's a single-parent to do when she suddenly has no kids for the night? Go on a date with myself, of course.
I had been wanting to see a movie at the theater for some time so I chose the one that is best seen on the big screen since I didn't know when I'd have the chance again: Avatar. It worked out perfectly that I was able to make it to the cheap "Twilite" show because when I tried to pay the $7 for the ticket and "3-D technology" my credit/debit card was declined. I had $13 cash and my plan was to get a bite after the show or/and go write or read at Starbucks or something. I wouldn't be able to do both now, but as it turned out I was pretty tired and not up to going to Starbucks after the show anyway.
Oh, the card was declined for security reasons that I will write about in another blog (my identity was recently stolen from an international fraud ring--I was in the process of getting it resolved...that particular card being invloved was something new, but I wouldn't let myself worry about it on my night out with myself).
After the movie I went to get some carry-out at the new Thai place near my house which closes at 9pm; it was 8:40 and the very sweet owner informed me that they had just run out of pad thai noodles did I want anything else? A second declined credit card; no more pad thai noodles? Hmmm. What was going on? I went for a dish called Kow Bai Gra Pow (basil fried rice with vegees, which the owner charged me $6 instead of $6.50, so nice) with tofu. I like spicy, but not so spicy that it messes up the enjoyment of the food for me, so I got "mild" spice since, to me, their mild is more like medium. I'm basing that off of the type of salsas I buy--medium--some kick, but nothing that makes my nose and eyes run.
It was a crisp, clear night so I invited myself to eat the carry-out on our front porch swing so I could listen to the wind chimes and gaze up at the bright stars. It didn't last long. Five minutes? Maybe. Between the cold Michigan breezes and the "mild" spice of the Kow Bai Gra Pow, my sinuses were singing for sweet mercy that not even the swigs of almond milk after each bite could provide. I asked myself amidst sniffles and teary eyes, Should we just go in?
I said, Yeah, we can be cozy on the couch with a book instead.
I imagined that if Joel were there, we would've gone in to watch TV or another movie together...or something else (Oh how I miss that something else with him). But I was content to be with myself and not have to worry about what the kids want to do, or bedtime routines, or getting up to requests from Grace for this or that, or any of it. I could let myself do whatever I wanted for the first time in a very long time and it felt good.
I really liked the basil rice dish, but it was so HOT. I figured they were in such a hurry to serve everyone (it was crowded at the Thai place, there was one cook and the owner running the rest), so I thought the cook must have made a mistake and dumped too much hot pepper into my dish. It finally occurred to me that maybe the red and yellow peppers in the dish were not sweet peppers. I tasted a single red one, HOT. And a single yellow one, also HOT. I chortled and shnortled at myself knowing Joel would've loved to have been with me to laugh it up, too.
If we are single-parents and have a spouse working in another state or country, or if we are single-parent who does not have a boyfriend or girlfriend, we can still have an enjoyable evening away from our kids to recharge our batteries and connect with ourselves.
I had been wanting to see a movie at the theater for some time so I chose the one that is best seen on the big screen since I didn't know when I'd have the chance again: Avatar. It worked out perfectly that I was able to make it to the cheap "Twilite" show because when I tried to pay the $7 for the ticket and "3-D technology" my credit/debit card was declined. I had $13 cash and my plan was to get a bite after the show or/and go write or read at Starbucks or something. I wouldn't be able to do both now, but as it turned out I was pretty tired and not up to going to Starbucks after the show anyway.
Oh, the card was declined for security reasons that I will write about in another blog (my identity was recently stolen from an international fraud ring--I was in the process of getting it resolved...that particular card being invloved was something new, but I wouldn't let myself worry about it on my night out with myself).
After the movie I went to get some carry-out at the new Thai place near my house which closes at 9pm; it was 8:40 and the very sweet owner informed me that they had just run out of pad thai noodles did I want anything else? A second declined credit card; no more pad thai noodles? Hmmm. What was going on? I went for a dish called Kow Bai Gra Pow (basil fried rice with vegees, which the owner charged me $6 instead of $6.50, so nice) with tofu. I like spicy, but not so spicy that it messes up the enjoyment of the food for me, so I got "mild" spice since, to me, their mild is more like medium. I'm basing that off of the type of salsas I buy--medium--some kick, but nothing that makes my nose and eyes run.
It was a crisp, clear night so I invited myself to eat the carry-out on our front porch swing so I could listen to the wind chimes and gaze up at the bright stars. It didn't last long. Five minutes? Maybe. Between the cold Michigan breezes and the "mild" spice of the Kow Bai Gra Pow, my sinuses were singing for sweet mercy that not even the swigs of almond milk after each bite could provide. I asked myself amidst sniffles and teary eyes, Should we just go in?
I said, Yeah, we can be cozy on the couch with a book instead.
I imagined that if Joel were there, we would've gone in to watch TV or another movie together...or something else (Oh how I miss that something else with him). But I was content to be with myself and not have to worry about what the kids want to do, or bedtime routines, or getting up to requests from Grace for this or that, or any of it. I could let myself do whatever I wanted for the first time in a very long time and it felt good.
I really liked the basil rice dish, but it was so HOT. I figured they were in such a hurry to serve everyone (it was crowded at the Thai place, there was one cook and the owner running the rest), so I thought the cook must have made a mistake and dumped too much hot pepper into my dish. It finally occurred to me that maybe the red and yellow peppers in the dish were not sweet peppers. I tasted a single red one, HOT. And a single yellow one, also HOT. I chortled and shnortled at myself knowing Joel would've loved to have been with me to laugh it up, too.
If we are single-parents and have a spouse working in another state or country, or if we are single-parent who does not have a boyfriend or girlfriend, we can still have an enjoyable evening away from our kids to recharge our batteries and connect with ourselves.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Strengthening Our Affinities
For those of you that are doing what I'm doing--holding down the fort while your spouse is away for x number of months or years--this one is for you.
I know that some days are so hard. If you have little ones it can be even harder. You have to be strong and positive for them; and when you do get to see your spouse, most, if not all of the time is focused on family. It's important for the kids to spend special alone time with their usually absent parent. It's important for us as husbands and wives, too, but we know it is more important for our kids; it wasn't their choice to accept a job that takes one parent far away, it was our choice. Of course, we made that decision because we thought it was for the best in the long run but we must be prepared to accept the consequences of our choices, right? Yes...
One consequence of having your spouse far, far away is that you will miss them in a way that is reminiscent of your courting days when you couldn't bear to be apart for one full day, let alone two years. Give or take. And I'm sure most people are like us and can't afford to visit often since the cost of flying back and forth, combined with maintaining two households (granted his is much cheaper since he shares a place with 3 other guys--but then that left so little room for privacy when we visited him--it's a catch-22, a give-and-take...you make the best of it), combined with the fact that if you made this decision (to accept a job so far away), it probably meant that you were in financial dire straights to start with, right? Most likely. So where does that leave us?
With love letters, of course.
When Joel and I were first dating, he lived about 40 minutes away; we wrote notes and love letters to each other often. And still, when we lived together, we left notes for each other regularly.
Since he's been gone these last 14 months, I've taken up the practice of writing letters to him again. Admittedly, not as often as I had imagined I would; but probably more than most people in these days of texting and emails and twitter. I just wrote one today. Thanks to Ellen DeGeneres, I have started watching American Idol for the first time. I love that guy, Lee Dewyze. He sang "Chasing Cars" last week and made me cry; he brought Joel right back to me in that aching moment. Lee's version of that song is part of what inspired me to write the letter to Joel today. Although the dreams I had last night might have had something to do with it, too. Nothing too crazy, just sweet. I love my husband and I miss him.
If you are feeling the same and you haven't tried pen and paper yet, give it a shot. You can pour your heart and soul out onto that paper, and your husband or wife will love it. They will love to discover it in their mailbox, they will love to read the words that your hand wrote, and they will love to hold the paper that your hands once held. They will even love that they can keep it and show it (well, maybe not certain letters) to their kids or grandkids later in life. If nothing else, they will appreciate knowing that you took time out in your day to do something just for them.
We can stregthen our affinities no matter how far apart we are.
I know that some days are so hard. If you have little ones it can be even harder. You have to be strong and positive for them; and when you do get to see your spouse, most, if not all of the time is focused on family. It's important for the kids to spend special alone time with their usually absent parent. It's important for us as husbands and wives, too, but we know it is more important for our kids; it wasn't their choice to accept a job that takes one parent far away, it was our choice. Of course, we made that decision because we thought it was for the best in the long run but we must be prepared to accept the consequences of our choices, right? Yes...
One consequence of having your spouse far, far away is that you will miss them in a way that is reminiscent of your courting days when you couldn't bear to be apart for one full day, let alone two years. Give or take. And I'm sure most people are like us and can't afford to visit often since the cost of flying back and forth, combined with maintaining two households (granted his is much cheaper since he shares a place with 3 other guys--but then that left so little room for privacy when we visited him--it's a catch-22, a give-and-take...you make the best of it), combined with the fact that if you made this decision (to accept a job so far away), it probably meant that you were in financial dire straights to start with, right? Most likely. So where does that leave us?
With love letters, of course.
When Joel and I were first dating, he lived about 40 minutes away; we wrote notes and love letters to each other often. And still, when we lived together, we left notes for each other regularly.
Since he's been gone these last 14 months, I've taken up the practice of writing letters to him again. Admittedly, not as often as I had imagined I would; but probably more than most people in these days of texting and emails and twitter. I just wrote one today. Thanks to Ellen DeGeneres, I have started watching American Idol for the first time. I love that guy, Lee Dewyze. He sang "Chasing Cars" last week and made me cry; he brought Joel right back to me in that aching moment. Lee's version of that song is part of what inspired me to write the letter to Joel today. Although the dreams I had last night might have had something to do with it, too. Nothing too crazy, just sweet. I love my husband and I miss him.
If you are feeling the same and you haven't tried pen and paper yet, give it a shot. You can pour your heart and soul out onto that paper, and your husband or wife will love it. They will love to discover it in their mailbox, they will love to read the words that your hand wrote, and they will love to hold the paper that your hands once held. They will even love that they can keep it and show it (well, maybe not certain letters) to their kids or grandkids later in life. If nothing else, they will appreciate knowing that you took time out in your day to do something just for them.
We can stregthen our affinities no matter how far apart we are.
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