Well, we do. Our kids do, at least. (But crumbled bleu cheese for 10 days straight can get a little old :-)
One benefit (or maybe it's a detriment) of being a single-parent is our ever increasing tolerence to high levels of pain and/or discomfort. We have mastered the knack of mind over matter by appearing serene, peaceful, and happy while in the company of others, even though we have a festering infection spreading throughout our body demanding that we stop.
Stop fixing those lunches.
Stop making breakfast and dinner.
Stop waking your kid or kids up for school.
Stop walking your six year old to and from school.
Stop giving her baths.
Stop fixing snacks for her.
Stop her bedtime routine.
Stop reading stories and playing board games even though it is just the two of you for the long 72 hour weekend and you must do something with her other than lay on the couch and watch her watch TV or play alone.
Stop cutting off all of her hair and then making her cry when she looks in the mirror even though everyone has said she looks adorable. So sleek. So chic. Ooops. Too late. Not a good idea to cut your six year old princess daughter's hair when you are half delirious; your judgement is likely to be off...you might fail to realize that she has no interest in sleek and chic, she is not as dirigible as she was when she was three (when you last cut her hair that way and not that she ever really was dirigible), and would much rather be flouncy and flourishing like a princess.
Stop.
Stop sitting up.
Stop standing up.
Stop walking around the house.
Stop doing the endless cycle of dishes, laundry, and homework helping.
Stop paying the bills.
Stop writing.
Stop blogging.
Stop your carpooling duties.
Stop carrying through with plans and obligations you made to others. (Students and families at Grace's elementary raised over $1200 in 4 days for Haiti! Whoo-hoo!)
No! We laugh in the face of illness (HA-HA!) and say, "I will NOT stop! Give me a bed of nails: I will lie! Give me burning hot coals: I will walk! But I will not stop!"
Okay, well you know I stopped the blogging. And the writing. Because I could. But I can't really stop the other things when I am the sole adult in the household (and Nate is hardly home as it is, because of swimming, but he also spent the weekend with Donnie...). So we become stronger than we thought we already were (just being a parent, single or partnered) when we have no spouse to rely on. Or at least not one in the vicinity. But I've said this before--If we don't stop--no matter how tough and strong we think we are, we will get knocked down. (And we may still smile and say, "I'm fine," but it won't make the illness go away.)
So even though our bodies are screaming...hell, who are we kidding, even though our bodies and our minds are screaming, Please stop moving! Lay down. Rest. Sleep. Just sleep. It's not that easy to listen when you are the only adult at home. Maybe that's why my illness manifested first and most painfully as ear infections...and throat infection (I don't ask for help when I should, but thankfully I do accept it when offered...)
Which brings me to the real benefit of being a single-parent: True and generous friends. Jen and Cheri thank you for easing the burden. Cheri, for helping out last Tuesday (arranging for Herbie to take the boys to the meet on my day--I know that was just to help because of Grace's ballet, not becasue I was sick, but either way, it is SO MUCH APRECIATED), and last Wednesday night, picking the boys up (and Jen, thanks for offering that day, too). Cheri, thank you for bringing my water contribution to the team dinner on Monday so I wouln't have to go, and thank you again for always picking Nathan up at the school after the away meets so I can get Grace home and ready for bed. I'm tearful right now as I type. I am so grateful to have you guys. And mom, too. Mom, thank you for taking Grace to ballet this Tuesday so I could get to Nathan's parent-teacher conferences and to the meet. Jen, thank you for Friday, taking Grace to school and finishing out our Haiti fundraiser duties without me. Thank you for picking her up on Sunday for those 2 hours, and for yesterday (I'm actually bawling now, I had to pause to get a tissue and blow my nose and wipe my eyes...) thank you for taking her in the evening just to play--she loved it and she loved eating the bacon that I never buy anymore! Thank you for picking the boys up for me. And I can't forget my sweet Nathan, he did help me lots of days by getting Grace from school so I wouldn't have to.
So I did stop sometimes. When those that I love and that love me could help, they did. I know this blog starts out like I am lamenting...and I was, most of this blog was jotted down yesterday on paper (I was too sick to drag myself to the computer) when I was still feeling a bit jaded and alone and just plain sick and tired. (But finally ready to write something.) I still had my sense of humor though, and I was able to see that I needed sunglasses because as always, my Soda-Pop core (9th grade nickname ala S.E. Hinton) can't help but be grateful to bear witness to my true and beautiful friends and family. If Joel were here they (Jen, Cheri, Mom) likely would not have had the opportunity or felt the necessity to shine their light so brightly on me when I needed it most. Thank you.
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