The Ball is Lost

And only Joel can find it. That's what he had to realize. It was still in his court, so it's still on him to make something happen. He will. Tomorrow. He will fly in too late tonight, but tomorrow, he will do something about finding that ball and putting it back into play.

Grace's sobbing last night and her adult words and her adult confusion: "I don't know what to do; I don't know what to do..." We told her it's not up to her to do anything...but I know why she was saying it. At one point, after 25 minutes of her gut-wrenching sobbing that she could not stop, though she tried, Joel told her through his own quiet tears that he would have an answer for her in a week. That if they didn't answer him about getting back to Michigan, he would quit and come home. She cried out in frustration and sorrow, "But that's why I'm crying, too! I don't want you to have to quit your job! You like (your job) and how will you earn money for our family?" Her intelligence and maturity are piercing.

Joel said: "But Grace, I like you and Nathan and mom even more and I want to be home with you guys again. Don't worry about what job I'll have, or mom will have (earlier she had tearfully said that she doesn't want me to have to go back to nursing because she knows I am trying to be a writer...piercing)..."

And again, she sat up (we had been tucking her into bed for the night and she knew he would leave while she was at school today), and said, "I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do..." And finally she lay down in a ball and said, "I'm staying in this bed; I'm staying in bed forever; I don't want to do anything or see anyone. I don't want you to leave, Daddy. Don't leave, Daddy..."

Last month, on February 14, while Joel was still in town for the Daddy-Daughter Dance, I asked her teacher after school about her opinion of whether she thought it would be okay for Grace to miss yet another day of school the next day since Joel was leaving. She said it would be fine and then she said, "I have to tell you: your daughter is just lovely. Today I watched her literally BOUNCING down the hall, and I thought (sigh) 'I wish we could all be like Grace.'..." then she quickly added, "I don't mean that in a naive way; I know Grace knows that it isn't all easy. She's just so happy with life..."

She BOUNCES. Grace really does bounce. Two days after that, after Joel had already left, I heard her singing a song she'd made up. Grace has been making up songs since she could speak and though I usually listen, there are times, such as that day, when I'm too distracted to really listen to her words. It was an upbeat tune, but when I finally caught some of what she was saying, I was moved: "Doctor can you help me? I'm not hurtin' in my bones. I'm hurting in my heart."

So last night, that sad, sad little girl finally fell asleep and woke this morning, telling us, "I'm not moving from this bed; I'm staying here; I don't want you to go, Daddy." She cried a little more--begged us to let her stay home in bed. But I know my daughter. I told her she would end up feeling better at school no matter how much she didn't want to move from where she was. She has a math test today and she really does miss so much school...but I told her if she went until noon, I would be done dropping Daddy off and I would come get her if she still felt like she couldn't be there. I called her wonderfully-awesome-best-teacher-in-the-world and told her the situation to see if Grace could take the test during morning self-start and her teacher (I wish I could say her name, but don't want to unless I get her permission and I haven't...) said that would be fine, she even said she could gather all the work, including the test, so Grace could do it at home today, or that she could do the test tomorrow if she left at noon...she was so accommodating to Grace's needs (as she always is), I love her. Grace loves her. We are so lucky to have her as Grace's fourth grade teacher. Joel said today, "There's a reason Grace got (her) as a teacher."

I was there at noon. Grace was skipping up to greet me from the lunchroom to tell me she decided to stay. Her ball is not lost. Grace will show Joel how to find his and make it bounce, too.

P.S. I just picked her up from school and saw that in her school agenda for her weekly goals she had written: "Try not to cry."

Definitely not naive. And she does what needs to be done when it needs to be done. She got out of that bed and she went to school. Her teacher is right, we should all be more like Grace.